Reflecting on the Neighborhood

I was thinking this past week about the place we are in right now with learning how to live with a disease in the home.  When we first heard the news about Laura having leukemia, we felt confused, scared, jarred by the mystery of it all.  Hearing the news that you have cancer can seem like the worst thing in the world to go through, initially.

The other day as I was taking the boys to school, I sat at a Stop sign waiting to cross College Avenue.  A prostitute started to approach my window and then realized that the boys were in the back seat.  She turned and looked away waiting for the next possibility.  Right after I crossed the street, a guy rode by on a bike waving a bag of drugs hoping to get a sale off of me.  That’s the first time I ever had anyone be so blatant with selling.  Apparently I didn’t look like a cop.

As I thought about what we were going through, seeing these individuals made me think that there are worse things we could be going through in our lives.  We could be trapped in an addiction all alone, feeling like no one cared for us.  We could be feeling completely hopeless and needing a fix just to remove the pain of despair and loneliness.  Laura’s pain is something that can be treated with medicine but the pain in people’s hearts in my neighborhood can’t be cured with medicine.  They’ve tried that and have been unsuccessful.  The heart pain is something that doesn’t go away quickly and is much more difficult to overcome.

Yes, Laura and I believe that even in the midst of the chemo, nausea, hospital and doctor visits, and the myriad of feelings that go along with having leukemia, we have an assurance of being totally loved by a God who cares for us so much.  And we have His love made manifest through the wonderful family and friends He has given us.  We are rich in the midst of disease.  We feel peace at times in the midst of uncertainty.  That to me is medicine that cannot be obtained on the streets, in the hospitals, through the doctors.  Thanks to all of you for being the healing balm that we so need at this time.  You heal our hearts while the doctors treat the rest of Laura’s body.

Brad

Basket of Hope

Today was another good day for Laura.  Even though she had less sleep last night she had good energy.  It’s heavenly not having any nausea and being able to eat well right now.  We are enjoying these days until the next bout of sick feeling comes.

Laura had a great time with a couple of friends today.  Elyce sacrificed a good amount of time this evening cutting Laura’s hair.  And by the way, she looks great with her new mod look!  We thought we’d tell you so you wouldn’t be caught off guard.  We love you Elyce!

An extra special joy today was receiving a huge basket full of little gifts from our wonderful families at Redeemer Presbyterian and New Deal.  This basket was huge and has tons of little packages wrapped in Christmas paper along with wonderful, encouraging cards and notes.  There were even a few gifts just for the boys and I.  Tears came to both of our eyes as we saw the generosity of our spiritual family.  Thank you all SO MUCH for lifting our spirits and carrying us well during this time.  We couldn’t be in a better place.

I’ve started back to work for the past couple of days.  It seems strange to try and step into things I used to do before Laura was diagnosed. Hopefully I’ll be able to reconnect with people in my church so they don’t feel abandoned.  I’m sure they don’t but it feels strange to me to all of a sudden step out of normal life and then try to re-enter with a new perspective on things.  It’s unfamiliar territory for us as a family and we are learning how to be in the midst of it all.  We’re not sure how it’s going to look but we are confident that God will be with us the whole way and that all of you will be patient with us as we learn to navigate and process this new time in our lives.

We always love to get a fresh Christmas tree each year at this time but we aren’t able to have one because Laura can’t have plants or flowers in the home.  So our friends, and neighbors, lent us their artificial tree.  Micah and Noah opened the box and said, “Oh we know what to do!”  They were great, like little engineers, organizing the branches and putting it together like pros.  This is first time we assembled our tree and really enjoyed doing it. :)  Thanks Chris and Mary!  You are awesome too!

So another great day with blessings thanks to all of you.  We love you!

Brad

Sunny Tuesday

For those of you living in Indianapolis, it was a beautiful sunny day.  Laura and I really enjoyed the day as we were driving up to the doctors for another shot.  We are so grateful to God for any good day we have and today was one of them.

Yesterday Laura received a blood transfusion and came home late.  So we were concerned about her getting sleep and not having the new medication upset her stomach.  She slept through the night beautifully, the first time in two weeks.  AND her stomach did not trouble her in the least.  She woke up with great energy and was able to walk around the house chatting with everyone.  Kyle, Brian and Laura sat in the living room and yukked it up this morning.  That’s something I haven’t seen in some time.  It was great to see.  Laura even made her own lunch today which she hasn’t done in two weeks either.

Yesterday the doctor confirmed that this would be an 8 month process of receiving chemo, blood transfusions, recovery time, etc.  That was a little overwhelming for me.  Today though I have come to grips with it and see this as a lengthy process but one where we are in it together with God.  We’ll be learning a lot about being flexible and living with mystery and waiting upon God.  There will be tough moments but today was a blessing to know that we’ll have good days too.  So we are thanking God for the blessings today and ready to learn about thanking Him when the days are not so good as well.

Micah and Noah had great talks with Laura today so I think they are feeling reconnected again.  It’s so important to stay close to their hearts and what they are going through as well.  You can pray for me that I would do better at this because I think they’ve felt neglected by me these last couple of weeks.  I’m so grateful that I have a chance to get up and start the day afresh and try again with them and everyone else in the world.

The meals have been wonderful and we are so grateful to all of you who have cooked so far.  We are looking forward to the rest of you.  Know that anything that is done for us is a tremendous blessing.  We are so used to being on the giving end, it has been an adjustment being on the receiving end.  But now that we’ve been here for a couple of weeks, we know that this is a major way that God loves us, through all of you.  Thanks for letting God use you in our lives.  We love you!

Monday Blues

Okay today was a surprise day!  We had a 1pm appointment scheduled at the doctor’s office to receive a chemo drug and a blood transfusion.  They forgot to tell us that we would be at the hospital until 10pm.  So after we found out we would be there for quite some time, I took Laura to the “restaurant” at the hospital.  (The hospital staff are not allowed to call it a ‘cafeteria’ because it’s not suitable terminology for the level of class they want for the hospital.  That’s what the nursing staff told us. (smirk))  After Laura ate something, I took her to the emergency room and left to pick up the boys from school and make sure they had dinner (thank you Carrie!).

On my way to pick up the boys, I witnessed a horrific car crash at 38th and Meridian.  The car in front of me suddenly veered off into the traffic going north and slammed into a car decimating it and swirling off to hit a van and decimating that vehicle as well.  I was speaking to my sister-in-law at the time stating, “Oh my gosh!  Oh my gosh!  Oh my gosh!”  I couldn’t stop saying it.  I was still trying to adjust to the change in plans for the day and this tragedy left me numb from shock.

Everything that has happened for the past couple of weeks has left such a strong message of how life can change in an instant.   I had a difficult time emotionally today and I think I’m starting to feel the effects of realizing that our lives are changed for quite some time.  I’m not sure we’ll ever return to our regular scheduled life.  Those who know me know how much I love to be in control of my circumstances but I’ve been forced to face the fact that I have little control over anything.  Laura and I had a good talk this morning which helped to process what we’ve been going through the last couple of weeks.  But the process of working through our emotions will probably be as tedious and time-consuming as the process Laura faces with treating leukemia.  The doctor made it very clear that Laura is on an 8-month process with treatment.  Laura knew this but I don’t think I was ready to accept this yet so this weighed heavy on my heart.  Of course, we don’t know what those 8 months will look like.  It all depends on how Laura responds to things.

It’s that much more apparent how much we need family and friends who are in it for the long haul with us as well.  And I know that we have this to count on.  So many of you have been with us for years loving us in so many ways through prayers, financial support, encouraging notes and phone calls, and hugs.  Even though our lives are changing, our Lord Jesus is the same.  And our friends and family are the same, still with us walking on this path. This brings comfort to me this evening as I lay down for the night.

Pray for Laura’s strength, the boys’ strength and my strength as we are just in the beginning of this journey.  Pray that we not lose heart with all of the uncertainty and adjustments that need to be made.  Pray that we would remember to fix our eyes on Jesus and the relationships that are still stable and present in our lives.

We love you all so much!

Great Sunday

Hello all,

Laura woke up tired today but feeling good.  She’s still eating normally and enjoying another gift of life today.  We were blessed tremendously with a wonderful gift basket from the parents of Indy Sabre.  (You know who you are!)  What a tremendous blessing!  We are so grateful for all of your encouragement and support at this time.

We had a surprise visit from cousin Kathy from Massachusetts and Aunt Laura today which was a blessing.  We so wish we could visit with all of you as we have much to catch up on but your e-mails and cards really help us stay in touch.  Be sure and let us know events and concerns in your lives as it helps us stay connected with all of you.

Often people hold back staying in touch because they don’t want to be a burden to us but we have found that hearing about other people’s troubles enables us to feel like we are not losing relationship at the same time we are losing other things in our lives like freedom, health and our ability to have control over a lot of areas.  Sharing your lives with us is part of what keeps us connected with you and feel like we haven’t lost you either, even though we are not able to enjoy face-to-face time with you yet.  But one day, that will be back in our lives as well.

Please remember to pray for us tomorrow as Laura receives the last of her chemo drugs and gets a blood transfusion as well.  We also hear the lab results on the bone marrow the doctor drew on Friday morning.  We are praying for good results and appreciate you joining with us in prayer.

Thanks again for all of your love and support.

Love, Brad and the gang

The First Post

Hello family and friends,

This is our first post of Laura’s story since being diagnosed with leukemia.  We thought we would give you a quick rundown of the time of the events and inform you of where she is at present.

Laura had been experiencing severe pain throughout her body just prior to Tuesday, November 13.  On that day, the doctor took some blood tests and x-rays and we waited for the results.  Tuesday afternoon the doctor called us and said Laura had leukemia.  We cried and prayed and told the boys.  Then we headed off to the hospital and were checked into a room by 6pm.  Tests were done and by the afternoon of Thursday, November 15, the doctor diagnosed Laura with acute lymphoblastic leukemia.  Originally we were told Laura would be in the hospital for 30 days because upon admittance, they don’t know if she has leukemia that is myelocytic or lymphocytic.  The myelocytic form results in a definite 30 day stay but with the lymphocytic diagnosis, treatment is different and could result in a return home sooner.

Chemotherapy began on Thursday night and went through Monday, November 19.  The doctor was very pleased with the results.  He wanted her white blood cell count to go down and her cell count went down dramatically.  She started out at a peak of 115,000 and she dropped down to 900, which is what they want to see.  Normal white blood cell counts in an adult are from 5 or 6,000 to 10,000.  The doctor said she could go home that day.

Upon coming home, Laura was feeling very nauseated and eventually became so sick that she couldn’t keep anything down including her medication.  We had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for Wednesday, November 21.  During the appointment the doctor said that he thinks she would do better at the hospital for a couple of days.  So I immediately admitted Laura to the hospital by noon on Wednesday and they put her on meds and fluids.  She started to feel better Thursday afternoon (Thanksgiving Day).  The boys spent Thanksgiving with Laura’s parents so they were able to have a good meal while we spent the day in the hospital.

Laura was doing so well yesterday that they released her once again so she is home resting.  She feels the best she has felt in a long time with the exception that she is greatly fatigued.  She would love to respond to all of the cards, letters and e-mails she’s received but has been unable to muster any energy to answer yet.  But please know that Laura and I are VERY grateful for the overflow of love through cards, letters, e-mails and gifts.  Words seem so trite when expressing how much we feel with all of the love we have received.  Some of you have come to clean our home, bring meals, get on lists to bring meals and be on-call, run errands for us and care for the boys.  Without all of you this would be so much more difficult and painful.

The next step in the process will be on Monday, November 26.  Laura will need to go into the doctor’s office once again and receive her last chemo drug for the 30-day cycle of treatment she receives.  She will also receive a blood transfusion at that time.  We are praying that she would remain free from fevers as she will have to be immediately admitted to the hospital if one develops.  The boys and I are doing our best to clean our hands and wear masks whenever we enter the bedroom.

Initially our minds were racing with thoughts wondering what the future holds for us as a family.  As we obtained more information though, our minds quieted and we have been reflecting more on what our lives are like from day to day.  Many people have written down Scriptures and passed them along to us but the one most consistently shared is Isaiah 41:10:  “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you.  I will help you.  I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”  We cling to these words and find encouragement.  God has been very kind and generous to us through all of your love and support.  Know that it means more than words can express.

Feel free to continue sending notes, e-mailing, calling, whatever you’d like.  So far we have not been overwhelmed with it but have been encouraged greatly.  Thank you for loving us in ways we couldn’t possibly have imagined.  I’m grateful to Nathan Sinsabaugh for setting up this blog for us.  You’re awesome Nathan!  I will keep you updated on Laura’s progress and she mentioned she will get to responding to messages when she musters up the strength.  Thanks for all of your patience in waiting to hear updates from us.  We love you all!

Brad (for Laura, Micah and Noah)