Last night was a long night. Someone was either coming in the room every 30-60 minutes or something was happening, like the IV pump buzzing. I think I finally got to sleep around 3:30am and slept until 7:30am. I understand now why Laura feels so tired. Hospitals are for treatment but not for sleep. 
Laura’s face and mouth were swollen this morning. The infection spread throughout her facial area. Dr. Workman came to visit and checked her out. Her white blood cell count yesterday was 0.2. He said that it’s normal to go without any white blood cells for 7 days after chemo sometimes longer if you have an infection, which Laura does. He believes the infection is entering through sores on her tongue.
The infectious disease doctor came in this evening and affirmed what Dr. Workman said. He believes the fever is because of the infection in the tongue area. Her blood test results still are negative for any kind of bacterial growth which is a good thing. He said she’s just going to feel poorly until she gets her white blood cells back up. He is ordering a CT scan for this evening which she hasn’t had yet. So pray that it can happen before 11pm. We apparently aren’t the only ones in the hospital. They are very full tonight. What’s going on?
What’s been encouraging is that Laura has been able to have nurses with whom she’s familiar for the past few days. She feels comforted more by people who know her and take care of her well. I spent a good portion of the day with her and there were moments where she felt like she was feeling a little better. Her fever hasn’t gone up to 103 like last night so that’s encouraging but they are still giving her Tylenol to keep the fever down.
Not so encouraging is that the doctor kind of alluded to the fact that she could be in the hospital for Christmas. Our prayer is that she would be home for Christmas. I’m still praying for this and I ask that you agree with me in prayer. I am open to whatever is supposed to be but really do long for her to be home for Christmas. However, I did say that Christmas is not December 25th but the day she comes home. That’s Christmas. We just have to think differently this year about it so that’s part of the adjustments we make this year.
Our housemates, Kyle and Brian, are both moving out at the end of the month. We feel even more sadness with them leaving. They have been such a significant part of our family for this past year and a half. We are going to miss them tremendously. Please pray for Micah and Noah in particular as they are going to have a hard time saying goodbye to them, especially in the midst of their lives changing so much already.
In the midst of all of this, I’m not even sure what to think sometimes. Part of me remembers that this is reality. Sometimes I want to dream it all away. But then I awake and I step back into reality. I do believe part of what Paul meant in Ephesians 5 about walking in the light is that we are to live in reality and not in darkness (i.e. fantasy, anything we create in our lives other than reality). This is reality for Laura and I and we are striving to walk in it honestly. That means fears come upon us and from within. It also means we feel grief for the things we are losing. But it also means we are looking at God in a fresh way, seeing His love and kindness to us. Pray that we can stay present in reality and not slip into running away from it and denying our feelings, avoiding relationships and withdrawing, or living purely with only one kind of emotion like anger. Pray that we could acknowledge the full range of our emotions and thoughts and share freely with God and those we love. Thank you.
Brad
