Tired But Plugging Away

You may not have heard that Laura was able to come home on Sunday night.  Micah only had a fever for a day and he stopped vomiting Saturday night.  So Laura wanted to be home and we wanted her here so we welcomed her home that evening.  Just in time for the Oscars mind you! :)  Thank you to those of you who made the night special for Laura.  Thank you to the fencing parents of Indy Sabre who made up an Oscar movie basket for Laura with fun movies and candy treats.  Thank you also to all of Laura’s friends who normally attend her infamous Oscar party.  You made it a special night for her and encouraged her, even with staying half the time you normally would.

This week is a normal week of recovery, traveling every day up to the ‘resort’ hospital and getting her neupogen shots.  Tomorrow we have a doctor’s appointment and Laura will have blood drawn.  We’ll see if she needs a blood transfusion.  Tonight Laura watched the boys while I went to community group.  She had a rough night with some conflict going on with one of the boys.  Having boys getting closer to adolescence brings a new set of challenges.  Laura is used to working with middle school kids but having one of your own at home while you’re battling leukemia brings interesting challenges.  The conflict that exists between them though feels sweet in some ways because it touches on the ‘normal’ for us.  We’re so used to not feeling normal with the lives we are living now that having normal parent-child tension seems right and good.  So I’m even enjoying what I would normally be irritated by.

I went to the library today and rented an old comedy TV series on DVD.  One thing Laura and I have learned is that it really helps us to have moments where we can just laugh. I’ve always heard cute little sayings in the past where laughter is good medicine for the soul but it’s amazing how it takes on an entirely new meaning when facing challenges I’ve never faced before.  I REALLY see how it helps to laugh.  Ecclesiastes 3 comes to mind when it talks about how there is a season for everything.  Verse 4 says, “A time to cry and a time to laugh.  A time to grieve and a time to dance.”  It seems we are in the stage of both laughing and crying but it seems pure.  It doesn’t seem tainted by feelings of unfairness.  We know that life is like this for everyone, fraught with challenges and difficulties.  So we take it that this is our time and we walk with Jesus, learning what it means to experience love from Him in many ways, often expressed through all of you.  Thank you for being the face and arms of God’s love for us while we cry, laugh, grieve and dance.

Brad

Gratitude, then BAM. . . !

Micah, Noah and I had such a great time last night at the fencing fundraiser for Laura called ‘Laura’s Fight’.  We are so grateful to IndySabre, Andria Hine and all of the fencing parents who made this possible by bringing their children and teens to the event and sacrificing time and money for us.  As Laura mentioned to me, this is such a humbling experience for us.  So we give one great big THANK YOU and a huge hug to go with it!!!

This morning at 2 am, Micah came into the bedroom and said he threw up everywhere.  So for about an hour I was cleaning up vomit (out of carpet, ugh!) and attending to Micah. For those of you who are married and have kids, I don’t know if you function like we have in the past but usually Laura attends to the kids when they are throwing up in the middle of the night because she is so compassionate and patient with them and she isn’t affected by vomit.  I usually gag and am not as compassionate.  So my initial feeling was, “Am I going to be able to handle this well?”  I was so grateful that my heart felt such compassion for Micah as I cleaned up the carpet and helped him get comfortable.  I also didn’t gag or feel sick after cleaning up everything.

Unfortunately because Micah has a fever, Laura is being shipped off to her parents again.  This is very difficult as Laura just returned home from the hospital on Thursday afternoon.  And, as you may recall, the last time she came home from the hospital, Micah had a fever and she had to be shipped off  that time.  One of my thoughts is, ‘How much more can we take?  How much more are we going to get dumped on?’  Some of you may not be aware that we had a scare last Friday.  For about an hour and a half, Laura and the doctor thought she might have had breast cancer.  The roller coaster we are on seems to be too wild and painful for me.

But I think about Paul, in the Bible, and how he spoke about a thorn in his side that he begged God to take away three times.  And this is the rest of what Paul wrote, “ Each time he (God) said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong”.  In 2 Corinthians 11, Paul shares this: “24 Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. 26 I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be Christians but are not.”  So he’s been through the ringer a few times.  He understands the concept of pain and suffering.

So as I sit here thinking about the past week or so, I wonder how much more we will have to face.  At the same time, I am reminded that God’s grace is sufficient for me.  He enabled me to respond to Micah well last night during a time I normally don’t do well.  I’m tired, starting to feel sick myself, have a roomful of laundry to attend to and feel sad for both Micah and Laura.  Questions go through my mind: When can we be together as a family and stay this way without being isolated constantly from each other?  We’re taking one day at a time; sometimes one moment.  I cry out to God for strength and encouragement and He meets me, providing with the strength I need for the moment.

I’ve also realized something through this journey as well.  When I feel the grace running out inside of me, when I’m at my wits end, when I don’t think I can go on, my friends become the grace I need.  They pick up where I’m deficient.  So it’s been great to see how God’s grace shines through my friends into my life as well as the rest of my family.  Thanks for being that grace for us and carrying us when we find it hard to get up.  Pray for Laura now as she feels sad being separated from the family once again.  Pray for Micah, Noah and I that we would get through this flu thing quickly so Laura can return home.  We ask, wait, and lean on God’s grace.

Love,

Brad

Update on the Bone Marrow Donor

Hey all, Laura just called me and wanted to share with everyone the results of her sister Jenny’s blood tests.  We were hoping she would be a match for Laura but we just found out that Jenny is not.  We are very sad about this and feel like we are getting hit yet with another blow.  However, we are unfamiliar with the procedures for most transplant patients.  We need to ask the specialists but maybe this is something that many people go through and have to wait for unrelated donors.  If that’s the case, maybe we just fall in the norm and need to wait.  It’s hard taking each step being unfamiliar with what’s around the corner but that’s where we are learning each step of the way to trust God with the future and learn to let go of our fears.

Many have offered to check and see if they are a donor match.  We are so grateful for the kindness of so many willing to make this sacrifice.  What we have been told is that the chances of being a donor match are very small.  If any of you here in Indianapolis would like to contact the Indiana Blood Center and get tested and be put on the national register list, that would be an option.  But if you are doing this for Laura, we would probably discourage you as the chances of being a donor match, as we’ve been told, are very slim.  Thank you once again for your incredible kindness.  We are so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends.

We would especially appreciate prayers for encouragement today as hearing the news has been painful.  Today we were also told that we will probably wait another 4-5 weeks to hear of a possible match from the registry.  Apparently there are 7.5 million donors on the national registry and it takes time to find a match.  Pray for patience for us and that we would continue to find peace in our Father’s arms.  You make His arms seem very real to us.  We love you.

Brad (and Laura)

Another Hospital Stay and Fencing Fun

This post will be short (maybe) and informative (hopefully). I am going to the hospital tomorrow for another round of chemotherapy and am praying for strength and a good response from my body. This weekend I decided to get out a little more while I was feeling good and had a decent white cell count. I sat in the stands on Saturday and watched Noah score three goals as his futsol team won 11-1. (Someone asked about futsol - It looks to me like indoor soccer on a short field. Five players per team. Very fast. I don’t officially know what it is.) I also went to church on Sunday night. It was great to be there. I haven’t been in three months and it may be another three months or more before I can go again, but I am grateful for this one time.

 Transplant Update: We are still deciding what would be the best route moving forward. My oncologist thinks a transplant is a good idea to keep me in remission longer. The percentage of a cure with the standard treatment I am receiving is 35 - 40%. My chances are lower than that, because I have 3 risk factors. (I am over 10 years-old, my white cell count was super high at the time of diagnosis, and I have a chromosome transposition) Since I am only forty, it is important to try for the cure that a transplant could give me, otherwise a relapse is highly likely. My wonderful sister, Jen, who has been offering from the beginning of this journey, is going tomorrow to get tested to see if she is a match. We should know by Friday. Siblings are the best option for matches. She has a 1 in 4 chance of being a match. After that we can search the donor registry.

Fencing Fun: Many of you know that Micah has been taking fencing lessons and competing with a local fencing club for 3 years. They are a great group of people who have been very supportive since I was diagnosed. They have organized an event called “Laura’s Fight” to raise money for our family and the American Cancer Society. It is taking place this Friday night (Feb. 22nd). There are details on the IndySabre website. www.indysabre.us   It should be very fun, so if you live in town and need something to do on Friday night … check out the fencing.

I will have Brad keep you all posted about my progress this week. Thanks for your prayers. No matter what happens, God is faithful.

Laura

The Oscars and Bone Marrow

As many of you know I, Laura, enjoy watching the Oscars every year in a festive atmosphere.  I was hoping that the writers’ strike would go on for several more weeks, therefore causing the Oscars to be canceled or postponed.  It would have been nice if they weren’t shown until summer.  Then I could throw a big party for everyone who has supported me through my eight chemo treatments.  The party could coincide with the Oscars and we could glance over at the TV every once in a while and see what the stars are wearing.  We could also cast ballots about movies we haven’t seen and marvel how the person who’s seen the least amount of movies during the past year wins the biggest prize. However, it looks like the Writers’ Guild is not going to cooperate and the show will go on.

I felt fairly energetic this week and, as Brad wrote in an earlier post, even went to the grocery store.  Brad and I plan to go out to lunch for Valentine’s Day.

On Wednesday at the recommendation of my oncologist, we went for a consultation with the Indiana Bone and Marrow Transplantation.  A bone marrow transplant is one of the options that we are looking at with our doctors as a way to keep me in remission.  We heard many things that were difficult to hear from the doctor and the decision whether or not to have a bone marrow transplant seems very overwhelming right now.  It is a difficult and dangerous procedure to go through but considering my risk factors for relapse, it may be the best option for me.

Please pray for us as we seek medical advice and pray that God will give us wisdom in making this decision.  We haven’t yet spoken with the boys about this issue and really need wisdom about when and how to do it.  If we do decide to have a bone marrow transplant, it would really impact their lives.

Thank you for your prayers and care for us.  Brad says thank you for the chocolate too.

Love,

Laura

A New Adventure

Today something took place that hasn’t happened in three months!  Laura actually went to the grocery store!  I was planning on going to shop for a few things and she said she’d like to try and go.  This, mind you, is the first time she has ever gone out to a store and looked around at anything.  We went to the newly renovated Marsh downtown and enjoyed looking at the new varieties of food choices.  What excitement!  It was for us since Laura hasn’t been able to do this for some time.  She has been in good spirits the last couple of days.

Micah and I still seem to be fighting off these colds.  I’m concerned they’ll develop into another cold so we are doing our best to take care of ourselves.  Please pray for us as we try to get the rest and nutrition we need to stay healthy, for Laura’s sake especially.  Next Monday, Laura will be going back into the hospital for her fifth round of chemo so we are trying to enjoy this week as much as we can.

Some of you have asked about the results for Micah at the fencing tournament in Kentucky.  The results were just posted today and we found that Micah placed 12th out of 28 for the Y-12 Men’s Sabre.  We are very proud of him, especially while still fighting off a cold and missing more than a week of practices.  Noah has been doing well with playing futsal and scored a goal for the past two Saturday games.  I just wish I could be there when he scores a goal!

Laura and I look forward to Valentine’s Day, not necessarily because we enjoy this holiday  but because it’s our half year anniversary.  This one is especially meaningful as we are able to say we are still together after fighting leukemia halfway through.  I’m especially grateful to say we’ve been married for fourteen and a half years.  Thanks for cheering us on as we begin the second half of this adventure.

Love,

Brad

We Are Home

We are very happy that Laura was able to come home today.  Her blood cell counts were very good and she has not had a fever for a couple of days.  The doctor released her at 1pm today and we were able to come home from the hospital between 1:30-2pm.  Laura was very energetic and in good spirits when she arrived at home.  We had a great time having dinner as a family which has been a rare thing during these last 3 months.

Tomorrow is a busy day.  Micah has a fencing tournament in Louisville, Kentucky so we will be leaving at 8am and not returning until 8pm or later in the evening.  I could use your prayers because I am completely exhausted.  I feel like crying even as I type this blog update.  My body aches and I just want to go to bed.  Please pray for strength and a good time with Micah.  We haven’t had some good one-on-one time in a long time.  Pray also for safe travel for us and for all of the fencing families that will be going to the event from Indy.  Pray for Micah as well.  He’s still recovering from being ill and tournaments always stress him out.

Laura will be spending the day with a good friend tomorrow so she’s looking forward to just kicking back and having a good time.  But she still misses being involved in the boys’ activities.  She loves to go to the fencing tournaments and watching Noah when he has his soccer games.  So pray for comfort for her as she misses the things that used to be such a significant part of her life.

As always, we are so grateful for all of your faithful support in so many ways.  Thanks especially to those who gave me warm hugs, comforting prayers and words of encouragement (you know who you are) this week.  We love you all.

Brad

Yeah the fever’s gone

Today Laura was able to go through the whole day without taking Tylenol and her temperature was normal so that was very encouraging.  She looked perkier and had more energy now that she has fresh blood.  Her white blood cell count was still 400 but it was up from I believe 150 the day before.  She can’t leave the hospital until she has more than 1000 count for her white blood cells.  So we are praying she can come home tomorrow but will be patient if she has to stay another day.

I don’t think I was much company for her today.  This was one of my down days.  I think the cumulative effect of the chaos in our lives is catching up.  The day started out with me yelling at the boys and being impatient with them.  I always hate those kind of days when they start out with relational conflict.  I walk away feeling like a failure as a father, knowing that it’s normal to fail but still hating it.  Then the rest of the day it just didn’t seem like I was very productive with my life right now.  Being successful at anything was not in my thoughts.  As I’m typing now my body just aches so I know I’m just emotionally and physically tired.  It’s one of those moments again where I’ve just been running on adrenaline without meaning to and then just dropping.  So your prayers now would be great in sustaining me as I try to be more present to what’s going on inside of me.  It was kind of a funny day too because any time I was talking to someone or they started to pray for me, I just started to cry.  So I just let it happen.  It felt good just to get it out and not be embarrassed about it.

I think I’ll stick a piece of chocolate in my mouth before I go to bed.

Love,

Brad

Just Another Manic Monday

Today Laura went to the “resort” on the north side to get her neupogen shot and check her blood counts.  As we expected, she had her blood count drop and needed blood today.  However, the hospital couldn’t fit her in the emergency room for 3-4 hours.  So she decided to wait up there since she was extremely exhausted.  The great nurses at the doctor’s office took care of her and made her feel right at home.  Since there was no room for her in the emergency room, they decided to take her to the fifth floor of the hospital for her transfusion.  During the time for prep, the nurses found that she had a fever so they had to admit her to the hospital.  This was very discouraging for Laura to say the least.  She just returned home last night after being gone for four days and now she’s thrown right back in the hospital.  She misses the boys after not seeing them for days and feels alone in the hospital room just sweating it out.  Please pray for encouragement and comfort.  Pray also that she recovers more quickly and that her counts can go up quickly.

Pray for me as I try to spend time with the boys and with Laura.  It’s more difficult to see her with a half hour commute each way.  Micah still has some of the crud left.  His fever is gone but he still coughs a lot.  Pray for the boys emotionally also.  I think they are starting to feel the cumulative effects of all of this unpredictability and missing Laura.  I think they miss me to some degree as well since I haven’t been able to give them the attention I used to before Laura became ill.

Even in the midst of discouragement, we were able to have a few laughs just thinking about the huge differences between the hospital downtown and the one up north.  It seems our joke about calling it a ‘resort’ are not that far out of whack.  The rooms are beautiful.  There is computer use available in the rooms.  We also have our own refrigerator and DVD/VHS player with a flat screen TV on the wall.  The rooms are spacious and the bathrooms are very nice.  We usually tape up cards, pictures and other things people make all over the walls at the downtown hospital.  This room has nice wood cabinets with wood floors and warm lighting throughout the place.  The food is incredible compared to downtown.  Tonight Laura had Plum Chipotle Salmon for dinner.  Never would we see anything like this downtown.  So we concluded that if Laura has to suffer, she might as well do it in luxury rather than more stripped down.  Something to be grateful for in the midst of challenges.  Thanks to those of you who have given gas cards for such a time as this.  It helps tremendously!

Love,

Brad

Sunday at the Corral

There are times where people feel disconnected from us especially when we don’t blog anything for a couple of days.  So I thought I would write at least something.  It’s been strange being separated from Laura since Thursday.  Micah got the flu on Thursday and has had a fever ever since.  He still woke up with one this morning.  You may recall the doctor said it would be best for Laura to be somewhere other than with two sick people (Micah and I).  So Laura’s been hanging out at her parents’ home while the boys and I have been cooped up in our home.

Noah is the only one who has remained healthy so far.  He was able to get out yesterday morning and play a wild game of futsal (for those who don’t know what this word means, you can contact someone who does.  I can’t even explain it but it’s similar to indoor soccer).  He came home with a big smile on his face because he finally scored a goal.  So with everyone being sick, Micah and I sickly yelled ‘hoorah!’  Then we went back to moaning and aching.

Today I woke up with a clear head and feel some energy coming back into my body.  So I decided to tackle the boys’ rooms and clean them (duh, duh, duh - said with a dark, sinister voice).  Having cleaned their rooms thoroughly, I feel like I have accomplished something grand, like inventing an airplane.  That was enough to lay me out and remind myself that I’m not fully recovered yet.

Laura has felt strange being away from home and has felt lonely stranded on the north side.  But we both are grateful for awesome parents who can help out and sacrifice at the drop of a hat.  They have cable too so life isn’t THAT bad. :)  So far Laura has been out of the hospital for six days.  She will come home tonight and hopefully not get anything from the boys and I.  This will probably be her low blood cell count week so we are praying that she gets through this bout without an infection.  She made it through the last time without an infection and we are grateful for that.  So your prayers would be appreciated for this issue.  Pray also that the SuperBowl doesn’t send Laura into a fit either.

Thank you for following us through this part of our lives.  We so appreciate your notes, letters, meals, prayers, phone calls and gifts.  They mean more than you’ll ever know.  We love you!

Brad (for Laura and the boys too)