We made it to another Christmas!

Laura and I have been thinking a lot the past few days.  Our internal struggles and external concerns have kept us very present to the reality of our lives.  Last Christmas was so different than this year.  As some of you recall, Laura had been in the hospital from December 18-24 because of an infection she got after a chemo treatment.  We went to Laura’s parents for only about 2 hours on Christmas Day and then we spent the rest of the day home.

This year we began the day just being with the boys and enjoying a relaxing morning.  Then we headed over to Laura’s parents house and stayed for 8 hours.   A lot more chattering going on, playing games, chasing my brother-in-law, nephews and Micah and Noah around the house, eating all the time!  What a difference!  Last year we weren’t even sure we would be together for the next Christmas.  Even though we are feeling so much better and things seem brighter in our home, we still wonder if next Christmas we’ll be together.  The reality of relapse is ever before us, although we try not to dwell on it much.

But we know that any day can be our last on earth.  None of us are promised tomorrow and there is much more than cancer that can prevent us from being together.  Even if we are physically together, we could be miles apart in our hearts if we don’t take care of them also.  We want to keep working on our hearts, staying closely connected to the issues and working through them so when we are together physically, we can also be together emotionally as well.  We don’t want emotional and/or spiritual distance to be part of our lives anymore.  We’ve gone through years of that and we are committed to preventing that from happening anymore.

So as you think about the new year with us, maybe you could consider the one day at a time program along with us.  Jesus did say, “each day has enough trouble of its own.”  I (Brad) encourage you to take one day at a time, not being overwhelmed by the problems of the day thinking  they will overtake you, but being willing to face just that day with its problems.  In addition, I encourage you to stay present to what’s going on in your hearts.  Don’t ignore the subtle movements in your heart that says something’s going on.  Take time to listen to what’s happening and open up to others more this year.  We all need others to help us know ourselves and to stay living in reality rather than living a life of busying,  ignoring the things that lie dormant or suppressed inside of us.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Love,

Brad

Continuing the journey of the heart

Hello all,

Brad here.  It’s been a difficult couple of weeks, actually month for me.  So much is changing and going on in my heart.  Many of you may not know what it’s like when you go through a stressful time that lasts for a while.  Sometimes, as I’ve shared before, you just function on adrenaline to survive.  I think that’s what Laura and I lived on, what little we had.

The aftermath of this time period is that there can be some fallout and that’s what we are experiencing.  All of the emotions we went through are starting to surface now.  Also, I believe that going through difficulty pushes up unresolved issues from the past.  So we are feeling the sorrow of the difficult time we went through along with the ugly stuff of our past that remains yet unresolved, or needs to be processed more.  So we have been battling it out lately and feeling worn out emotionally.  We would appreciate your prayers for our relationship as we strive to work together and process well rather than just react to each other.

We also would appreciate your continued prayers for Laura’s health.  There was a concern that came up recently.  Nothing to panic about but something to watch for.  I’m not at liberty to share because Laura would prefer not to talk about it at this time.  It can trigger anxiety along with all of the other junk we are facing.

Thank you for being with us through this whole journey and continuing to pray for us.  You’ve been the best support anyone could have.

Love,

Brad

Working on the Weekend

I have been fighting a cold for the past week. So far the fight hasn’t been too bad considering that my immunities are not what they should be. I did take a day to work at home and canceled being a judge at a speech meet this weekend, so that I could rest more. Rest doesn’t look the same as it did last year and for that, I am thankful.

Many of you know that 5 years ago I began working to earn my Master of Education degree from Covenant College. It is designed to be a three year program that allowed me to attend classes at the college in Lookout Mountain, Georgia in the summer and complete classwork and projects while I still work at The Oaks Academy. It has been an amazing program that has expanded and grown my understanding of education and equipped me well for my current job. However, I was just finishing up my last three classes when I became sick last fall.

All of my work went in big plastic tubs in the basement as the uncertainty and fight through last year began. In June, my friend Deb came from Philadelphia to stay with me for a week. We spent much of our time talking about education, research and a paper she was working on for her doctoral program. I began to think that I could perhaps attempt to finish by my December deadline, but big obstacles still stood in my way: I was so tired and unmotivated that I could hardly get off the couch for more than an hour, and I needed to go back to work full time first.

In the fall, my Covenant classmate, Katy, (Who, by the way, delayed her graduating last spring so that she could finish and graduate with me this coming spring.) came from Michigan to visit and helped me drag all of my school work from the basement and get it in a workable condition. This was a really hard process, as it brought up so many memories of the past fall when I was working through pain that I did not even realize was cancer at that point.

Slowly, I began looking through the remaining assignments on the syllabi and leafing through books and articles that I needed. As I began to feel better, it seemed so much more important to me to enjoy my family, friends, church and job than finish up my degree. A degree doesn’t get you anything in heaven. Neither do any of the other things that I was enjoying, but the beauty and joy of relationships and fun seem to give me a glimpse of true love and relationship that will be enjoyed in heaven. This is probably not not good theology – just my babbling.

Well, here I am, a little more than two weeks away from the deadline that I have to meet to graduate this spring, and I am not sure if I can do it. I am bringing together all of my work and trying to finish the papers and projects that were undone last fall. I am going a little bit crazy. So here I am taking a study break to update you on my life at the end of 2008. I guess that I would rather be a little busy than in the hospital like I was last year. But I want to keep it all in perspective.

Here’s a small list of what I have to do this week:

Prepare for a short speaking engagement tomorrow

Go to the Colts game

Attend two Christmas parties – one for my work & one for Brad’s work

Celebrate my birthday (I turn 40 for the second time!)

Complete 2 grad school classes and mail in the course work

Work all week

Go for my monthly exam at the bone marrow clinic

Be a mom (I don’t really know how to do this – I make it all up.)

Etc.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. I hope that this season finds you relaxing and enjoying life.

Laura