Counts Holding Steady

I went to the doctor on Wednesday and the doctor said that my blood counts look perfect! That is good news. No need to come back for 6 weeks! That is the longest stretch that I have gone without seeing a doctor in a long time.

My blood pressure was up again. I want to get it back under control, but a few circumstances are keeping me from doing everything I can about that. I have been fighting a cold and taking plenty of medicine for it. Those medicines are not supposed to be good for your blood pressure. Also, I have been spending every free minute of my days trying to complete my last class. I have written many papers, created a variety of charts and am assembling the notebook that I have to send to my professor. Right now I am completing a 15 page literature review about educational leadership this weekend. I am procrastinating by updating the blog.

I have an appointment to get my hair cut (more like clipped an eensy bit) on Tuesday to celebrate finishing my big paper. I am very nervous about this, but I think it is about time. We will see if I can lose the hat.

Love you all!
Laura

A Snow Day

The school where I work (and the boys attend) had a snow day today due to the 8 inches of snow Indianapolis got overnight. I am resting, because I think I feel a cold coming on – scratchy throat, stuffy nose, headache. Praying it is nothing worse.

So while I relax, I am going to look at a few pictures from Mexico and remember the warmth.

Laura

Sunset from the palapa

[caption id="attachment_170" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Brad walking on the rocky beach."][/caption]

Relaxing in the villa

Good Liver News in the New Year

On Wednesday I had my monthly checkup at the bone marrow clinic. It is weird to say that it is enjoyable. Brad, the boys and I always go together. We have fun seeing the nurses and doctors that took such good care of us since last March. I spent more time with my nurses than anybody else last year. They have been some of the most wonderful and encouraging people through our journey.

In December the news had been good but cautious. The numbers that measure my liver function were up, and the doctor wanted to watch things carefully to see if they should do a biopsy to confirm graft versus host disease (GVHD). I was worried that this would mean lots of other tests and more medications with unwanted side effects. I also wasn’t thrilled about the idea of a liver biopsy. I have heard that these are done by going in through the jugular.

Well, my numbers have not changed. They are still a little high, but my doctor said that they don’t usually treat it unless the numbers are 5 – 10 times over normal and mine are not yet double. (70 when they should be 40) He said not to worry about it for now. YEAH!

This happened to be my 9 month appointment. I had stopped counting – which is a good sign! They did extra blood tests to make sure there is no sign of leukemia & to check to see if my blood is all donor. No leukemia! All donor cells! More good news.

The only bad news is that the new year brings a new set of insurance deductibles. Even though we will have to scrape and save for this, we are very happy to have insurance at all. The actual cost for keeping me alive last year is at about half a million dollars so far.

Laura

Traveling to Mexico

Brad and I had an amazing opportunity (thanks to several wonderful friends) to go on a trip to Mexico. We stayed in a villa on the Pacific coast in the city of Manzanillo with 5 other couples from our church. This was a trip of a lifetime for a variety of reasons. Brad and I love to travel but rarely get the opportunity. This is one of the most beautiful and relaxing places I can imagine, and we were able to share the time with good friends.

All during the time that I was being treated for leukemia, I had difficulty sleeping. I have always been a good sleeper, but my sleep patterns were really disrupted with numerous hospital stays and all of the body changes that come with being treated for a serious illness. One of the only ways that I was able to get to sleep was to block out all other thoughts by imagining myself on a beach. It was warm, calm and the sounds of waves breaking quietly on the beach would lull me to sleep. It was a strange idea for me to hope to visit a beach, since it is important that I stay out of the sun for the rest of my life. Sun can trigger my body to react badly to the transplant (GVHD). However, it was just a miracle that Brad and I were given this wonderful, beautiful trip to Mexico.

Even as we have returned to the frigid north, I am still enjoying the rest and renewal that I have felt as a result of this amazing trip.

Laura

Living a dream

2 Classes Down!

I am very, very close to finishing my Master’s degree from Covenant College. This endeavor was interupted in November ‘07 when I was diagnosed with leukemia. I posted earlier about how difficult it has been to think about finishing, but it is something that I really want to do. It is important that I am qualified to be in administration at any school, and actually having the degree makes paying off the student loans so much easier.

Over Christmas break I completed the classwork for two of my incomplete courses. All I have left to complete is my Field Experience class. I will spend the rest of January and February completing this. I am hoping to graduate in early May!

Laura

We made it to another Christmas!

Laura and I have been thinking a lot the past few days.  Our internal struggles and external concerns have kept us very present to the reality of our lives.  Last Christmas was so different than this year.  As some of you recall, Laura had been in the hospital from December 18-24 because of an infection she got after a chemo treatment.  We went to Laura’s parents for only about 2 hours on Christmas Day and then we spent the rest of the day home.

This year we began the day just being with the boys and enjoying a relaxing morning.  Then we headed over to Laura’s parents house and stayed for 8 hours.   A lot more chattering going on, playing games, chasing my brother-in-law, nephews and Micah and Noah around the house, eating all the time!  What a difference!  Last year we weren’t even sure we would be together for the next Christmas.  Even though we are feeling so much better and things seem brighter in our home, we still wonder if next Christmas we’ll be together.  The reality of relapse is ever before us, although we try not to dwell on it much.

But we know that any day can be our last on earth.  None of us are promised tomorrow and there is much more than cancer that can prevent us from being together.  Even if we are physically together, we could be miles apart in our hearts if we don’t take care of them also.  We want to keep working on our hearts, staying closely connected to the issues and working through them so when we are together physically, we can also be together emotionally as well.  We don’t want emotional and/or spiritual distance to be part of our lives anymore.  We’ve gone through years of that and we are committed to preventing that from happening anymore.

So as you think about the new year with us, maybe you could consider the one day at a time program along with us.  Jesus did say, “each day has enough trouble of its own.”  I (Brad) encourage you to take one day at a time, not being overwhelmed by the problems of the day thinking  they will overtake you, but being willing to face just that day with its problems.  In addition, I encourage you to stay present to what’s going on in your hearts.  Don’t ignore the subtle movements in your heart that says something’s going on.  Take time to listen to what’s happening and open up to others more this year.  We all need others to help us know ourselves and to stay living in reality rather than living a life of busying,  ignoring the things that lie dormant or suppressed inside of us.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Love,

Brad

Continuing the journey of the heart

Hello all,

Brad here.  It’s been a difficult couple of weeks, actually month for me.  So much is changing and going on in my heart.  Many of you may not know what it’s like when you go through a stressful time that lasts for a while.  Sometimes, as I’ve shared before, you just function on adrenaline to survive.  I think that’s what Laura and I lived on, what little we had.

The aftermath of this time period is that there can be some fallout and that’s what we are experiencing.  All of the emotions we went through are starting to surface now.  Also, I believe that going through difficulty pushes up unresolved issues from the past.  So we are feeling the sorrow of the difficult time we went through along with the ugly stuff of our past that remains yet unresolved, or needs to be processed more.  So we have been battling it out lately and feeling worn out emotionally.  We would appreciate your prayers for our relationship as we strive to work together and process well rather than just react to each other.

We also would appreciate your continued prayers for Laura’s health.  There was a concern that came up recently.  Nothing to panic about but something to watch for.  I’m not at liberty to share because Laura would prefer not to talk about it at this time.  It can trigger anxiety along with all of the other junk we are facing.

Thank you for being with us through this whole journey and continuing to pray for us.  You’ve been the best support anyone could have.

Love,

Brad

Working on the Weekend

I have been fighting a cold for the past week. So far the fight hasn’t been too bad considering that my immunities are not what they should be. I did take a day to work at home and canceled being a judge at a speech meet this weekend, so that I could rest more. Rest doesn’t look the same as it did last year and for that, I am thankful.

Many of you know that 5 years ago I began working to earn my Master of Education degree from Covenant College. It is designed to be a three year program that allowed me to attend classes at the college in Lookout Mountain, Georgia in the summer and complete classwork and projects while I still work at The Oaks Academy. It has been an amazing program that has expanded and grown my understanding of education and equipped me well for my current job. However, I was just finishing up my last three classes when I became sick last fall.

All of my work went in big plastic tubs in the basement as the uncertainty and fight through last year began. In June, my friend Deb came from Philadelphia to stay with me for a week. We spent much of our time talking about education, research and a paper she was working on for her doctoral program. I began to think that I could perhaps attempt to finish by my December deadline, but big obstacles still stood in my way: I was so tired and unmotivated that I could hardly get off the couch for more than an hour, and I needed to go back to work full time first.

In the fall, my Covenant classmate, Katy, (Who, by the way, delayed her graduating last spring so that she could finish and graduate with me this coming spring.) came from Michigan to visit and helped me drag all of my school work from the basement and get it in a workable condition. This was a really hard process, as it brought up so many memories of the past fall when I was working through pain that I did not even realize was cancer at that point.

Slowly, I began looking through the remaining assignments on the syllabi and leafing through books and articles that I needed. As I began to feel better, it seemed so much more important to me to enjoy my family, friends, church and job than finish up my degree. A degree doesn’t get you anything in heaven. Neither do any of the other things that I was enjoying, but the beauty and joy of relationships and fun seem to give me a glimpse of true love and relationship that will be enjoyed in heaven. This is probably not not good theology – just my babbling.

Well, here I am, a little more than two weeks away from the deadline that I have to meet to graduate this spring, and I am not sure if I can do it. I am bringing together all of my work and trying to finish the papers and projects that were undone last fall. I am going a little bit crazy. So here I am taking a study break to update you on my life at the end of 2008. I guess that I would rather be a little busy than in the hospital like I was last year. But I want to keep it all in perspective.

Here’s a small list of what I have to do this week:

Prepare for a short speaking engagement tomorrow

Go to the Colts game

Attend two Christmas parties – one for my work & one for Brad’s work

Celebrate my birthday (I turn 40 for the second time!)

Complete 2 grad school classes and mail in the course work

Work all week

Go for my monthly exam at the bone marrow clinic

Be a mom (I don’t really know how to do this – I make it all up.)

Etc.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. I hope that this season finds you relaxing and enjoying life.

Laura

Happy Thanksgiving!

What a different Thanksgiving day than last year!  (Brad here.  I know I haven’t written a blog in a while and was thinking a lot about writing something for the holidays.)  Each time I would drive by a hospital during the holidays, I would always think about how some people have to spend the holidays in the hospital.  Laura and I were doing this very thing last Thanksgiving.  Staying in the hospital for a holiday for the first time feels the worst.  Holidays become like every other day when you’re going through serious illness.  You don’t get a vacation from sickness.

However, as I was thinking about last year, I became very thankful.  Memories of God’s faithful presence and provision throughout the time of Laura’s treatments overwhelm me.  There were certainly nights that felt darker and lonelier but we were so overwhelmed by people’s notes, e-mails, gifts, assistance with watching the boys and providing meals, prayers, hugs and kind words.  I really don’t know how people survive these times without a community of support like we had.  We certainly saw people who didn’t have this and I ached for them.

Psalm 46 comes to mind as I remember last year:

1God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
2Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
3Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

I can relate to this passage remembering how God was very present.  So many people I have counseled feel like they are abandoned and alone when they go through difficult times.  There were certainly times in my past where I felt that too but this experience with Laura was completely different.  He was very present; very real.  I felt His presence many days and nights.  I find myself being thankful that He’s not always quiet and that He’s not always a mystery.  Sometimes He’s very real and speaks clearly to me.  So when other times come again where I may feel His silence or absence, I can look back on my life and remember how present He was and then be patient during the time that feels different.

So today I am thankful for a God who is Himself, is loving, kind and gentle.  I’m grateful for a community of people that God used to minister to us significantly.  I’m grateful for another day of life where I can not only see the good things in life but face the reality of the difficult things in life and know that God is present; that He knows me; He sees me for who I am.  Laura is loving today remembering last year.  What a change from the dark days of the last holiday season.  I’m thankful for each of you and how you loved us so well through those dark days.  I know dark days are in store for all of us but they can be so livable when you have a God who cares and a community of people God uses to lift you up and carry you when you can’t carry yourself.  Thank you all for being that for us.

We love you!

Brad (for Laura and the boys too)

More Pictures

Well, I couldn’t find the cord to download some more recent pictures, but I’ll start with these. Those of you who see us all of the time might notice these are a little out dated.

Noah on the first day of school

Noah and Laura

Micah

Our three year old(?) dog, Scout

Micah as Han Solo