Day +37

I am probably in trouble for not updating you sooner on the results of my bone marrow biopsy! The doctor said that everything looks great. No signs of leukemia and all my marrow and blood is from the donor. My blood counts continue to go up SLOWLY. The doctors and nurses say I am doing great for Day +37. All good news! There is still a huge risk for infection until Day +60. Day +100 is a good marker, because the mortality rate dips way down at that point. Most problems happen by Day +100. The only bad news I received today was that my kidney function is kind of borderline right now. I am not sure what that means, but the doctor said to make sure I am drinking 2 quarts of liquid each day. They warned me that this was one of the side effects from the medications I am taking, and some people end up on dialysis.

I am now allowed to drive (My platelets had to be over 50, 000.), but Brad took our only car on a retreat and out to Kansas and Nebraska. I will have to wait until next weekend to begin terrorizing the roads. I have a great friend from college who is coming in on Saturday night to stay with me while Brad and the boys are gone.

A great promise from Psalm 34    The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit.

In grace,

Laura

Day +32

I feel like I am on the road to recovery! There are no chemotherapy treatments looming in my immediate future, and I am basically resting at home to recover my strength and avoid infection. I only have to go to the outpatient clinic at St. Francis two time per week now. I had been going every day for over a month. (of course 10 days of this was hospitalization) It is still difficult to keep food and pills down,  but the doctor said that usually ends at about 6 weeks. I also have some different rashes they are treating. The doctors and nurses say that this is all normal. It is hard not to worry about every little ache and pain.

Every week until Day 100 I go in to get some anti-bodies by IV. It takes about two hours. This last Friday I had a bone marrow biopsy. It was a little painful since I have very hard bones, and my bone density level was way above normal. I told the nurse that I had never broken any bones before. She joked back that I probably never will. It was hard to walk on Friday and Saturday, but the pain seems to be subsiding now. I will get the results from the biopsy sometime this week. The doctor feels that it will be a positive outcome - all donor marrow, no Laura marrow.

Things I am enjoying doing:

Sitting on the front porch in the sun

Going grocery shopping with a friend in the middle of the day wearing a heavy mask I can hardly breathe through and getting many strange looks.

Cooking a meal for my family or cleaning up after a meal (I don’t have the strength to do both)

Our family going out for our traditional lunch at a Chinese restaurant on the last day of school

Enjoying visitors from out of town

Talking to people from The Oaks about the marvelous end of the school year

Spending time with friends who take me to my appointments or just stop over to talk.

Learning how to have hope

Love you all-

Laura

A Major Accomplishment

Well, the boys completed another year of school!  I’m so amazed that the way the year has gone, the boys were able to remain faithful in their responsibilities at school and finish with good grades.  I’m very proud of them and amazed at how well they have done despite the challenges this year.  Laura and I are so grateful for the boys’ teachers and the rest of our spiritual family at the Oaks Academy.  Through your emotional support, financial support and many prayers, notes and meals, you’ve helped sustain us through very trying days.  My eyes were full of tears all morning long as I went to Micah’s and Noah’s classrooms for their year-end celebrations and during the general assembly as we sang praise songs ending the year with gratitude to God.

As I reflect on how so many at the Oaks have loved us, I also think of how much so many other people have supported us through our church families at Redeemer and the Crossing.  Parents from Indy Sabre and the Lawrence Soccer Club have also been of such help and encouragement in so many ways.  Many friends and family from the rest of the U.S. and from the other side of the world (i.e. Thailand, Switzerland, Malaysia) have blessed us with faithful prayers and gifts beyond belief.  Our hearts are very full and we love and appreciate you all so much.

Love,

Brad, for the Grammer family

One Day At A Time

Laura’s been home for almost a week now.  Other than feeling really tired and having bouts of nausea, she is doing fairly well.  She hasn’t contracted a fever yet and sleeps much better at home than at the hospital.  She even went to Noah’s soccer game last week.  At the far end of the field, you could see Laura sitting there with her mask on with her mom who brought her.  So we’ve been encouraged to have her home and see her feeling better than she has in a long while.

As you may have already been informed, Laura will start experiencing symptoms of the graft vs. host disease at the end of June.  So we are in a holding pattern until then.  Laura has appointments with the doctor today and Friday and on either day she’ll have a bone marrow biopsy to see if the marrow is fully her donor’s.  That produces a certain amount of pain but it’s not as overwhelming since Laura’s been through it before.

I’m feeling more sane this past week.  The boys seem to be doing better as well.  They are getting ready to go on some summer trips right after school is out.  We are so grateful for family and friends who are able to provide them with some fun this summer.  Laura and I will be staying home and just passing time while she continues to rest.  Maybe we’ll have another Indianapolis Summer Film Festival like we’ve had before!

Thank you as always for your faithful love and support.  I’m tired right now and don’t have much to say but wanted to give you a brief update on what’s going on.

Love,

Brad

“I’m Home!”

At least for now, I’m enjoying being at home with my family and in my own bed.  Mostly what I’m doing is lounging around due to a complete lack of energy.  Ten days in a ten foot by ten foot room will sap all of your strength.  The effects of chemo are behind me and I am just waiting for the donor’s marrow to fully kick in.  My blood cell counts are going up slowly but as the doctor says the donor’s white cells are “stupid.”   It will take a while for them to figure out how to fight off infection in my body.  Next week I will be getting another bone marrow biopsy to make sure that the marrow is all from the donor and none of mine is left.

I’m having problems eating because nothing tastes very good and it is also hard for me to keep all of my pills down.  I have to take about twenty a day.   Hopefully my appetite will return soon and I will be  throwing back pills like a pro.   The doctor has said that I will have days where I feel back to normal  and days where I have no energy.   These will be interspersed with no rhyme or reason.    Until day 60 , I’m still not allowed to go into crowds, be outside without a mask,  and must stay on my dietary restrictions.   After day 60, I am looking forward to fresh fruits and vegetables.  Yay for salads!  What is a hamburger without lettuce, tomato, and onion?

Brad already explained the new and strange technique of blood letting that they’re using at St. Francis.  After the initial shock of seeing my blood everywhere, I recovered and looked at it as another strange story in this crazy adventure.  The best part about all of this has been all the friends I’ve gotten to see and the encouragement and prayers that have helped lift our family through this time.

Love,

Laura

Day +22  (over a 1/3 of the way)

Laura’s Home

Laura came home yesterday evening from the hospital after being there for 10 days.  She was so happy to return home and we were so happy to have her back.  Just prior to being released, Laura had a crazy experience.  Every Tuesday radiology comes to her room and takes x-rays since she’s not allowed to leave her room while she is at the hospital.  After they took the x-rays, they left and Laura fell asleep for about half an hour.  Apparently when the radiology department moved the x-ray machine out, they accidentally clipped her IV cord.  The fluid that was supposed to be going into her body was pouring out on the floor.  In addition, her own blood was also going on the floor since nothing was going in the IV’s.  Laura woke up to find fluid and blood all over the floor which shook her up.

Before she had the x-rays, they had taken her blood sample and noticed her blood counts had dropped just a little.  After this accident, Laura was naturally concerned about her blood counts now so the doctor ordered to have her blood tested again.  Her counts actually went up which was amazing.  So despite all the craziness she was allowed to come home.

Thank you to many of you who have called and e-mailed with encouraging words.  We feel that many care for us and love us.  We are hanging in there as best as we know how.  We know God is with us, is for us and will never leave us nor forsake us.  It’s just a tough road sometimes and being physically and emotionally exhausted can easily lead to discouragement and despair.  Since I blogged about dark days though I have felt renewed and re-energized.  Laura still feels down but this is normal for going through all of the adjustments in her body.  Until her body is functioning more properly she will face this so pray for endurance as her body goes through the normal progression.

Again, thank you for all of your love and support.  We couldn’t keep going on without you.

Love,

Brad

More Dark Days

We’re so grateful that so many people have helped us out taking care of the house, running errands, watching the boys, etc, etc, etc.  One thing that’s so difficult to find help for is the emotional weight that is carried around.  This week I feel like the entire family has hit a wall.  I think we’ve all reached our limits.  I really don’t think we can do this anymore.  We are just so worn out.  Micah had the worst week he’s had ever and I fear for him as he is becoming violent in his talk and behavior.  Noah is more and more withdrawn and hard to reach.  I’m emotionally shot and just feel like I can’t get up each day anymore.  I don’t know how to ask for help with this part of our lives.

Laura is feeling better with her sore throat but is having a horrible time keeping food down.  She threw up both her breakfast and dinner.  The doctor said this is normal and a continuation of the result of chemo.  It’s been very discouraging to Laura and she is sinking down herself.  I don’t even know what to ask for because cleaning or cooking won’t take the emotional pain away.  I guess we need your prayers and hugs and assurance that you will see us through this.  I can’t even imagine getting through tomorrow but I’ve been only taking one day at a time.  I’m down to taking one hour at a time now.  Please keep praying.  Thank you.

Love,

Brad

Day #14

I just spoke with Laura this morning and her white blood cells are at 0.36 which is like 360.  That’s up from 0.16 four days ago.  Her hemoglobin (red blood cells) and platelettes also stayed the same which is also good.  If they drop, it doesn’t mean anything but the fact that they are going up and staying the same are really good.  So that’s encouraging.  Laura’s spirits have been pretty good lately as well so keep praying for encouragement and a sense of peace through this time.

I’d like to share about a situation that occurred a few days ago.  As I was sharing with someone updates with Laura and I, I was asked the question if I get out and exercise.  My understanding was that initially this question was asked out of concern wondering if I’m able to relieve stress this way.  I stated that I really wanted to but haven’t been able to have the time.  Then with a face of confusion was asked, “Why not?”  At that moment, I felt as if I was on the defensive having to justify why I wasn’t able to have time to exercise.  I actually started explaining details of my schedule but sensed this is just not right.

Then I stated that finding time to exercise and exercising itself has always been stress inducing because it’s never been relaxing for me.  I’ve always felt I had to do it out of duty and obligation to my health.  The response was, “I’ve never met anyone like that.  Why does exercise help me so much?”  Maybe I was being overly sensitive but I really felt insulted by the responses.  My response was simply, “Because I’m different.  Not everyone finds relief from stress exercising.  I have friends who find great relief from exercise but not me.”  The look of confusion remained but I couldn’t help feeling insulted.  I know I’ve gained weight through this experience.  I’ve eaten more and been more sedentary than I have been in years.

I guess I share all of this to explain ways that we can be hurtful without meaning to.  One of the ways we can be hurtful is by simply not being willing to understand and accept another person’s way of thinking or experience.  I find that many Christians have been guilty of this very thing; not accepting people for being different.

I’ve been going to counseling to keep up with everything in my heart and my family’s hearts through this past six months, and my counselor shared one time that most people are uncomfortable with different.  I’ve found this to be true consistently, especially as I observe people’s reactions and behaviors to one another.  I’m amazed at how much we don’t seek to truly understand one another when we’re very different.  From my understanding of the Bible, there are way more verses on unity than there are with correct theology or thinking.  I think that should say something to us about what God cares about.

I’ve had time to process this interaction and understand that this individual often has a difficult time understanding people who are different.  Because of that, I have compassion for this individual and hope that there can be growth in seeking to understand and know others better.  My encouragement is for all of us to grow in truly knowing one another and valuing and appreciating each other.  So many people who have loved us through this time period come from very different backgrounds.  All of you think differently, look differently, live differently and I so value and appreciate each one of you.  Thank you for adding so much beauty to Laura’s and my life by your uniqueness.  We love each one of you.

Love,

Brad

Update on Laura

I took the car in this morning to be repaired for a number of issues.  Since I didn’t have transportation I wasn’t able to see Laura until after 5pm.  So I picked up the car with the boys and we drove over to the hospital after picking up some dinner.  Laura seemed in pretty good spirits, despite the fact that she only slept two hours last night.  The nurse she had last night was apparently a resource nurse who had never worked on the bone marrow center floor before and she messed up Laura’s IV wires so the IV machine was going off all night long.  One of the regular nurses came in the morning and fixed the wires.  After that, Laura didn’t hear any sounds for the rest of the day.  She finally got to sleep at 5am and slept until 7am.  Despite this, she was in good spirits when we visited tonight.  She specifically said to tell everyone she wasn’t feeling as down anymore so thank you for the many prayers.

Her white blood cell count was 200.  The doctor thinks this is legit and not a ‘fakeout’ and thought there was a good chance Laura could be going home by Friday.  We know things can change any minute but we are hoping the white blood cells keep going up for the rest of the week.  Her sore throat will finally be gone once the counts go up.

One interesting thing Laura shared tonight.  She saw an advertisement for a countdown to the Olympics.  She realized at one point that the countdown was very interesting and matched something for her.  The 100 day mark that is significant for Laura falls exactly on the same day as the first day of the Olympics.  Laura has really been looking forward to the Olympics.  We kind of see this as symbolic of getting through a significant part of her healing, kind of triumphant in celebrating her 100 days.  So that was a fun thing in the midst of it all.

Love,

Brad

Ugh Part 3

Laura was admitted to the hospital this morning.  She’s not in crisis yet which is good.  Her throat hurts so bad that she isn’t swallowing hardly anything.  She lost 3 pounds since yesterday morning because she ate nothing.  Even drinking a liquid is too hard for her.  They thought she was getting too dehydrated. She couldn’t also take her pills which is really important since she takes 20 a day.  So they admitted her to give her fluids, platelettes and medication through IV.

Fortunately we were able to have 15 minutes of a Mother’s Day as a family before we went to the hospital.  On the way home I got a flat tire and ended up changing my tire in the cold and rain.  Fortunately my neighbor was around to help me finish the job.  I was just frozen at one point staring at the tire and had to kind of smack my face.  I’m hitting a wall again.  It doesn’t take much these days.  I think we’re all worn out physically and emotionally and any task seems gargantuan.

The doctor said Laura’s blood counts are supposed to go up by the end of the week so we’re hoping she only has to be in for a week.  Pray that she would feel God’s presence in a special way while she’s in the hospital.  Pray for strength for me and the boys.  This weekend has been rough again for all of us.  Thank you as always for all of your support.

Love,

Brad